What is, Healing?

Hello Reader,

It’s a beautiful day today, but how are you doing today?

“I am…okay? I guess if I really think about it, I can almost make myself have a bad day but to be honest, I’m doing alright.” – Reader

That is awesome!

“How so?” – Reader

Well, that shows me that you are healing.

“...but I thought healing means that I live the life I always wanted to live, and that I never think about the pain from my past again, and that I don’t experience the emotions that I don't like, and that I never mess up ever again.” – Reader

...

Oh gosh, have we not talked about what healing even means?

“…I don’t think we have?” – Reader

Well I am so sorry about that, Reader! Let’s take a second to just talk about what healing is and what it is not.

“I have a feeling I’m not going to like this.” – Reader

Haha, probably not but it is important to also have healthy expectations.

"Ugh! Tell me more, I guess." - Reader

Healing does not mean having the perfect life. Healing does not mean inhibiting the wide and beautiful range of emotions you have. Healing does not mean getting rid of pain or setting unrealistic expectations for yourself by striving to become the best version of you. Healing does not mean knowing exactly how to respond and/or getting rid of that annoying critical voice in your head. Healing does not mean to meditate all the time. Healing does not mean having every stone with you and to sage yourself on the weekends. Healing does not mean that things won't bother you or even to strive to have perfect relationships.

Healing is a learning process of skills and perspectives helping you build the compacity to endure the pain and struggles of life (not to avoid struggles). Healing is learning how to love and care for the versions of yourself that were not loved and cared for in your past. That also means loving and caring for that annoying, inefficient, dramatic, childish part of you that keeps emerging as negative intrusive thoughts. Healing is the practice of holding space for those parts of you that others and society don’t seem to support. Healing means choosing to respond to stress in healthy ways instead of letting your past create a reaction to life stressors. Healing involves being authentic in a safe way. Healing is understanding yourself and supporting (not fixing) yourself instead of self-savaging and/or people pleasing. Healing means being there for yourself instead of waiting for others to always be there for you. Healing also means knowing when to ask for help and when to be self-supportive. Healing means messing up, being kind, leaning, adjusting, and growing all while loving and being kind with yourself along the process. Healing means loving yourself and building an environment that is supportive of your unique and individual life. Healing means being you without listening to all the pressures and expectations trying to tell you who you "should" be. As you participate in the practice of healing, you'll recognize that you are not something to fix. You never were something to fix. You are perfectly perfect being imperfect. The goal is to be healthy, not to be perfect.

“…why does that sound amazing?” – Reader

Because that is what you truly are seeking out, not this unrealistic version of "healing" in terms of "work" but more so "healing" in terms of "loving". The "work" version of healing is based on the Protestant work ethic, a more western perspective of healing, thinking that you need to earn something rather than being something. The "work" version of healing will lead to the feeling of never being good enough. True healing is more of an approach and perspective that involves healthy actions. As you practice healing, you'll soon find that healing is not a destination but more of an action of love and compassion. Ironically, through the practice of this type of healing, it is you, yourself, that will become the healer, creating room for others to follow your lead.

Key takeaways:

1)      Healing is not necessarily working harder or neglecting the parts of you that you don’t like.

2)      Healing is not getting rid of pain and struggles.

3)      Healing is not getting rid of the past or makes the future perfect.

4) Healing is learning, practicing, understanding, and acting in a loving and healthy way with yourself.