All or Nothing Thoughts

Hello Reader,

We haven’t talked too much about those cognitive distortions in awhile.

“Cognitive dis…what?” – Reader

Cognitive distortions! Don’t worry, it is just a fancy way of saying, common thinking errors.

“Oohh I see. You mean to say my thoughts are wrong? Am I always wrong?!” – Reader

Well, they are partially wrong but don’t worry because they are partially true too. We all experience these thinking errors so this is normal. Inacurate but normal. The issue is that the majority of us don’t recognize them in the moment and/or do not challenge them. You are not your thoughts. Your thoughts are just highly influential suggestions and you have to be curious about them to see if they are helpful or harmful to you. If they are harmful, you have to practice changing them until they do become helpful in your life.

“Ugh, that sounds like work, but I do have interest. Tell me about these thinking errors.” – Reader

We’ll just explore one at a time. It is much easier to learn and practice challenging them if we just take it one step at a time. Let’s start with the “ignoring the good”.

Tell me, Reader, of an every day stressor that might come up and we’ll distort it and then correct it.

“Umm let’s go with having to go to work. Work sucks! I’m always so exhausted from work!” – Reader

Oh that is a good one! Okay, let’s distort that struggle. Turn that feeling into words and ignore the good parts of work for a moment.

“Oh that is easy. I have to wake up at 6:00am and I never have time to eat so I’m eating while answering emails most days. Then my boss is so picky when it comes to the work I need to do. Depending on the day, I have to work with this person who is so hard to work with…” – Reader

Good! Pause for a moment and notice if you stop there, you might have the feeling of dread going to work. You might try to call in sick and avoid work. Depression and anxiety might sink in. Which there is truth with what you said, work does sound stressful and overwhelming but you are missing out on the good parts too. Even if it is very small, it is still important to acknowledge the good. Let's finish the sentence so to speak.

What are some good things about work and be creative and unique with your answer. This is the hard part but a very important part. Finish the sentence.

“Okay. I get money which helps me survive in society but everything is getting more and more expensive. What is the point?” – Reader

That’s good but get more creative and unique with it. Notice how something cliché like money is good still ends up a bit more negative. Try again and be more unique with it.

“Umm, I guess I get to taste the warm coffee in the morning on my drive to work?” – Reader

Nice! There you go! Keep going!

“I get to practice a passion of mine at work. Work sucks but I guess I am learning there too. I don't have to stay there. I can always apply for a new job too.” – Reader

Great! Momentum is building! Keep it up! Tell me more!

“I do have three days off so I also have the opportunity to spend time with family and friends. I get paid decently so I don’t really think too much about buying groceries. I have this really fun coworker who I tend to see as family. Like this one time we were laughing so hard, we fell to the floor. I am excited to decorate the office for the holidays too. I also have a good routine recently where I go to the gym after work too. Oh, during the car ride, I am able to listen to an audio book so I've heard more stories this past year then I have ever read.” – Reader.

Great! Pause for a moment and just notice the difference in how you feel once you finish the sentence of this thinking error and expanded your thoughts beyond just the negative ones?

Please acknowledge the difficulties and the struggles. Those are real. You don't want to lie to yourself. Taking care of your mental health does not mean to lie to yourself. Just don’t forget to notice everything else because more often than not, the day ended up being neutral at its worst. Most frequently, once you notice all parts, the day was actually pretty good and it was just sprinkled in with some struggles.

“Oh that is strange. Is that really all I needed to do?! I just have to finish a sentence and, bam! I feel better about myself and my day?! Ugh! I can also see how I need to slow things down to help with noticing the other areas of my life and not just the negative.” - Reader

Sometimes it is the simple things that make the largest impact. Practice noticing the “ignoring the good” thinking errors throughout the day but don't stop there. More importantly, practice finishing the sentence.

Key Takeaways:

1)      You are not your thoughts. Your thoughts are highly influential suggestions.

2)      We are all prone to cognitive distortions. It is normal to have these thinking errors.

3)      Notice that it is a thought error by asking, is this thought helpful or harmful? If it is helpful, cool! Keep going. If it is harmful, cool! Challenge it by finishing the sentence.

4)      Finish the sentence. Create the next part of the sentence. Even if it doesn’t feel right in the moment, creating a new thought is the entire reason for this practice.