Growth

Hello Reader,

“Jonathan, I feel stuck. I want to better myself. My intention is there but it has been months of it just being an intention. Is something wrong with me?” – Reader

No, not at all. You are just stopping too soon.

“What do you mean?" - Reader

Well, there is a process to growth. If you don’t know the process of growth, it becomes easy to quit when you are closer to growth than you may think. This happens frequently, quitting when you are on the right track. Being on the right track often doesn’t feel like it though.

In order to become strong, within the process, you’re going to feel weak.

In order to become smart, within the process, you’re going to feel dumb.

In order to become brave, within the process, you’re going to feel scared.

“Oooofff I don’t like that answer…I’m self-sabotaging again, aren’t I?” – Reader

Not exactly. Be kind to yourself. You’re learning, and that is valid to be in the process of learning. Growth is not instant, it is a process. There are four stages of growth, 1) Comfort Zone, 2) Fear Zone, 3) Learning Zone, and then the 4) Growth Zone.

It starts with being in your Comfort Zone. Everything is easy and natural. After a while, we tend to crave more. According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, we ultimately crave, self-actualization (Achieving personal growth and becoming the most authentic version of ourselves). Once that first step is taken outside of the Comfort Zone, we reach the Fear Zone.

Many people get stuck going back and forth from the Fear Zone and their Comfort Zone ultimately staying stagnate not recognizing that experiencing fear is a good sign! It’s part of the process. It is natural to be fearful when trying to become someone you are not. It is natural to fear the unknown. Sure, be afraid as you grow, that is valid. Along the way of being fearful tell yourself, “Good! This fear means I am challenging myself.” The key is to be brave and preserver and not to wait for motivation. It is rare to be motivated to experience fear. It is best to emphasize bravery and perseverance because at some point, you have to stop preparing and start acting. Face that fear and recognize that the common fears of rejection, embarrassment, disappointment, and judgement are all temporary feelings. On top of that, those feelings literally can’t hurt you. Sure, those feelings suck to experience, but a feeling won’t kill you. Cool! That means I can do healthy actions despite it feeling differently.

Once we act despite experiencing fear, we enter the Learning Zone. This can also mean failing, and guess what, it is normal to fail! When you experience failure (or reframed as learning), just recognize that it is a good thing. It means you are one step closer to growth. Reminder yourself of this if needed. "I failed. Good! I am one step closer to growth."

Many people stop at this Learning Zone because of their past and feelings that come up with the past around not being good enough. Again, feelings won’t hurt you you so keep going! Be the voice of bravery and perseverance. Sure, the feeling of failure sucks but if you keep going, just right around the corner of failure is growth.

After you fail, learn, fail again, learn again, fail and then learn again, you reach growth. Alongside the prize of growth is a boost in confidence, resilience, wisdom, an increase in self-esteem and in self-efficacy. Enjoy this new comfort zone for a bit and when you are ready for the next challenge, use this win to help you get through the growth zones again so you can become the person you want to be.

Key takeaways:

1)      Many people stop at the Fear Zone and/or the Learning Zone ultimately finding themselves in the same spot over and over again feeling stuck leading to regret, guilt, shame, and embarrassment later in their life.

2)      Reframing what fear and failure are can help with reaching that Growth Zone.

3)      You can NOT skip a zone because growth is a process not a destination. If it comes easy to you, that means you are still in your Comfort Zone.

4)      The process of growth has the Comfort Zone, Fear Zone, Learning Zone and the Growth Zone.

5)      Many mental strengths are on the other side of fear and failure.

6)      Don’t take it so seriously, just keep trying, fail, learn, and then grow. Be the voice of bravery and persistency along the way and NOT the voice of motivation. We rarely feel motivated to experience fear and failure. Bravery and persistency will get you further.