"Even if" Your Life Stressors

Hello Reader,

I see you are making it through the winter.

“Ugh! I know. It was a rough winter but I’m excited for spring time, I guess.” – Reader.

I hear you. I am anticipating spring time myself.

“You know, being strategic and intentional with my words has been really helpful. I was hoping that change would happen quickly but I’m recognizing that it takes time and repetition for change to happen.” – Reader

I’m glad to hear that! Yes, it does take some time. I wish there was a quick fix when it comes to healthy change but for now, I have to say that you are doing an amazing job.

“Thanks! So…do you have any other tips? I’m starting to like being healthy with my words…Don’t push it! That doesn’t mean I’m better!” – Reader

Sure thing. Let’s add a new skill to practice, “Even if”.

We often get stuck ruminating on life struggles that we tend to forget how resilient we are. Changing “what if” to “even if” can help you work through the situation instead of ruminating on what you wish will happen. Remember, there are things we can’t control in our life. We have to find ways to put in the work to make the situation better. A good reminder of our resilience can help us do just that. Try “Even if’ing” your life stressor that you are needing to accept. Tell me, Reader three things that could be or are a life stressor for you and we’ll practice “Even if'ing” them. For the last one, have fun with it. Make it dramatic and over the top so you can see that even the worst situation, we can work through it if we “Even if” it.

“Okay, I’ll give it a shot. Let’s go with…not finishing school…a divorce I had…and…a volcano blowing up.” – Reader

Nice! I like the last one being over the top, too. Okay, so for the first life stressor, even if’ing it would look like, “Even if I have not finished school, that does not mean that I’m not smart” or “Even if I did not finish school, that does not mean that I can’t go back and try again.” We start to remind ourselves that there are ways around it. It might not have happened when we wanted it to, but we can still do something about it.

Let’s look at the second life stressor, a divorce. "Even if’ing" it would look like, “Even if I got a divorce, that doesn’t mean that I’m a bad person” or “Even if I got a divorce, that doesn’t mean that I won't be happy again.” It doesn’t get rid of the situation, but we are reminded that the life stressor doesn’t have to define ourselves and that we can move on and grow from it.

Try the last one, Reader.

“Okay, I think I get it. So, even if a volcano blows up…that doesn’t mean…that I will be impacted” or “Even if a volcano blows up, that doesn’t mean that my future is ruined.” – Reader

Nice! See?! We can even take a horrible situation and remind ourselves that it is going to be okay, and that we can get through it. We just have to accept the situation for what it is then use the skill of "Even if'ing". It is when we do not accept the situation for what it is, is when we put unnecessary pain and suffering on ourselves. That is why it is important to recognize the things you can and can’t control and find ways to accept the things you can’t control such as “Even if’ing” that life stressor.

Key Takeaways:

1) Notice the things you can and can’t control.

2) Change “what if” to “even if” to assist with stopping rumination and helping you work through a situation.

3) Don’t forget to breath as you make the transition from “what if” to “even if”.