Be Careful with the "But's"

Hello Reader,

Spring is around the corner and I am very excited! I was getting a bit tired of the cold. How about you, Reader?

“Oh yes. Winter time is difficult for me. Especially the beginning of the year since not much is happing at that time.” – Reader

Yeah, I hear you. As we get out of winter and into spring, it is a great reminder that we can grow too. I have to say, you’ve been making some wonderful changes in your life, Reader.

“Ah, shucks! Thanks! I actually feel it too. I keep getting stuck though and keep dismissing and minimizing myself frequently.” – Reader

Tell me more, Reader.

“Yes, I’ll encourage myself and then bring myself down again. Yes I’m doing better but I should have paid attention to my mental health a long time ago!” – Reader

Ohhh I see. You are “but’ing” your way out of healing.

“…what??” – Reader

The word, “but” gets rid of everything before it. We have to be careful with our "buts". The grammatical structure of how we use words often create a feeling. “But” is no exception. Take a look at this example and notice how each of these sentences feel.

Ex: “I did clean five dishes but I still have to clean the rest of the dishes”.

This doesn’t feel very encouraging. It might even bring some guilt and shame. Let’s use the exact same words and just switch the structure around. Let’s be strategic with the “but”.

Ex: “I still have to clean the rest of the dishes but I did clean five dishes”. These are the same exact words in each of the sentences, it is just switched around. This sentence often feels a bit more encouraging and motivating.

Give it a shot! What is the unhealthy way to use but and what is the healthy way to use it?

“Okay, so the unhealthy way of talking with myself might be, I’m doing better BUT I should have paid attention to my mental health a long time ago.” – Reader

“I can then change that to…I should have paid attention to my mental health a long time ago BUT I’m doing better.” – Reader.

That was great! Say it a couple more times to get used to that change if you need to. Catch the "why’s" and change them to "what’s" and be careful with the "but’s".

Key takeaways:

1)      Words often contribute to a feeling.

2)      The great thing is that you have the opportunity to choose what words to use and how to use them. If you mess up, great! Try again and find the words that are helpful.

3)      The word, “but” gets rid of everything before it so be intentional and strategic with your “buts”.

4)      If you were to see this as a mathematical equation, it would be “Negative part of sentence” + “But” + “Positive part of sentence” = Self-support