Feelings and Emotions

Well, hello Reader,

Aright, we talked a bit about thoughts, trauma, perspectives, and different modalities when it comes to therapy and taking care of your mental health. What about our feelings and emotions?

“Yes, I hate when I get mad! It sucks when I’m sad too! I just want to be happy.” – Reader

Ah see, that is where we set ourselves for failure. Our goal should not be to be happy. Our goal, when it comes to taking care of our mental health, should be accepting and loving all of our emotions.

“Wow. That sounded very cheesy.” – Reader

Lol yes, it kind of is but there is truth to it! We do so much in our life to avoid our feelings and emotions from doom scrolling on our phone to excessive exercising, from binge eating to playing video games. Some people even move from place to place excessively to get that dopamine hit of something new because they are avoiding their feelings and emotions.

“That is one expensive way to avoid yourself.” – Reader

Very much so! We don’t want to be afraid of our emotions so let’s talk about! What are feelings and emotions in the first place?

 We often get feelings and emotions mixed up, but there is a difference. Emotions are our body’s experience to the situation. Feelings are our own subjective interpretation and not necessarily facts. An example of this is that I am experiencing happiness and I know this because my body has a physical change. I am smiling. I am smiling at the situation of being around people I care about. Feelings on the other had sound like, “It feels like being around someone will make me happy.” Emotions are experiences while feelings are an interpretation. With feelings, we tend to give the event meaning and ultimately create a belief about ourselves and/or about the world around us. Since feelings are an interpretation of the situation, sometimes they are true and other times they are not. Which is why we have to be curious and challenge feelings while accepting our emotions, and choose a healthy behavior to respond to the situation.

If we bring this all together in an example, when I see someone attractive and I want to ask for their phone number, it might feel like I am going to be rejected (this may or may not be true). I experience emotions such as nervousness, fear, doubt, and excitement (emotions that naturally come up). I then choose to act in a healthy way and have a growth mentality by being vulnerable and ask for their phone number because relationships are important to me (core value).

Issues arise if I act on my feelings without being curious about them. I increase the chances of making unhealthy decisions. If I don’t accept my emotions, I start to live an anxious and limiting life. If I don’t recognize what actions are healthy and unhealthy in my life, I am more likely to live in my comfort zone and not grow. If I don’t know my values, I might start doing things that are not fulfilling to me.

Being curious about your mental health, helps you live a better life!!!

“Okay, I think I am getting a better understanding of emotions and feelings but what do I do about it?! I hate some of my emotions! I don’t want to be sad all the time!” – Reader

Understandable. Our emotions can get in the way of our goals and dreams at times and that is why we have to allow ourselves to experience them first. Avoiding them will only create more issues and they'll stay with you longer. If you try to force yourself to be sad when you are having an amazing time, you’re going to spend your entire time trying to change it rather than just experiencing happiness. It’s as if you try to change the sun or rain outside. You can’t do it, but you can change what you do about it. You can use an umbrella when it rains just as when you are sad, you can surround yourself with people you care about. You get to choose how to respond to your emotions.

Emotions are neither good nor are they bad so stop saying “negative emotions”!!! One of the best ways to navigate your emotions is to notice and name. Notice the physical sensation, thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that emerge with an uncomfortable emotion(not negative emotion) and name it. It is not that “I am sad”, it is that “I am experiencing sadness”. If we reframe it as such, we start to separate the emotion from the person and are able to navigate it much easier. You are not your thoughts and you are not your emotions. You are the one observing and experiencing them.

When it comes to feelings, recognize that feelings are not facts. Act on what is important to you despite the feeling. Act on your values not your feelings. An example of this is, “it feels like I am a failure.” The situation can feel that way but if I notice and name what I am experiencing, I can then recognize that even if I feel like a failure, I can still take actions on my values. Change this to, “I feel like a failure and I am going to choose to be vulnerable again because this is important to me”. As I take action on my values and get alternative results, I’ll start to build examples that I am not a failure. The feeling of being a failure is going to naturally subside over time if I continue to act on my values and not my feelings.

This doesn’t mean to ignore your feelings too. Our feelings are a very affective way to stay safe. “It feels like this person yelling at me is not safe”. In this case, yes, protect yourself. Only you know what feelings are safe, and what feelings are limiting you. With that said, as you notice and name, trust yourself!

Now this doesn’t mean that feelings and emotions are not heavy. They are even debilitating at times. Acting on your values might mean doing it scared or experiencing loneliness along the journey. On the other end of accepting our emotions and challenging unhelpful feelings is an authentic person you were meant to be.

Name and notice for your future self. You’ll thank yourself.

Key takeaways:

1)       Emotions are an automatic physiological response needing to be accepted. Feelings are a conscious interpretation of the emotional response that need to be understood.

2)      Put it into words. Name and notice your emotions. Name the emotions you are experiencing and notice what emerges. As you do, give your emotions time to run through your body. You are not the emotions, you are experiencing the emotions so you don’t have to be afraid of them. Find and/or create a safe environment to experience your emotions.

3)      Also put it into words. Name and notice your feelings. Feelings are not facts so when you feel an unhelpful feeling, go back to your values and act on your values and not what your feelings are trying to persuade you to do.

4)      Feelings are protective by nature. Trust yourself because some moments it is healthy for you to act on your feelings and protect yourself, and other moments feelings are very imitating. Only you know when that is the case. It gets easier as you continue to practice naming and noticing.

5)      The goal when taking care of your mental health is not to get rid of, but instead to respond in healthy ways to your experiences.